okay so the reason i had to shave my head was because i wasnt able to get a 6 pack by halloween. however, i look back to when i used to weigh about 86 kg back in high school and even more when i first attended college in Malaysia, and am so glad with the healthier lifestyle i have chosen to lead right now. anyways, i wont stop till i get my 6 pack abs. i let my body influence how i negatively viewed myself before and although i've learned since then that confidence is more the workings of your inner force, i still want to be able to satisfy this craving of achieving what ive always wanted. just goest to show that if you put your mind to it and commit, you will be successful and worst case scenario- you'll be happy that you tried and gave it your all.

4 packs and counting.. i have a bit more to go.

♥ Tuesday, November 10, 2009

the old couple's syndrome.

saya menujukan satu soalan kepada teman sebilikku, " M kamu pernah berada dalam a couple of hubungan intim kan? bilakah masanya kamu sedar yang kamu perlu memutuskan hubungan itu?" and he said, apabila kamu menanyakan soalan itu kepada diri sendiri.

saya seorang yang romantis dan kadangkala i think apabila saya berada dalam sesuatu hubungan, i kinda lupakan diri dan ingin membuat orang itu gembira sahaja.....and then i realize yang saya mengabaikan kegembiraan diri sendiri.

just a bunch of thoughts floating around in my head. do couples get bored of each other after a while. do they feel like they shouldnt work as hard. do they feel like they should work harder. does one partner feel pressured by the other to comply. i think dalam hubungan saya, kami berdua sedang mengalami masalah yang sama. kadangkala kamu cuma ingin in literal translation, jalan keluar. i think ada masanya yang kami lupa apa yang berada di depan kita. yang kita lupa mengapa kita jatuh cinta in the first place. but you know i think like always, komunikasi membantu. tackling the problems melalui percakapan is better than mempendam emosi dan mengalami apa yang dikatakan.. internal conflict..
alah bahasa melayu ku teruk sangat lah. udah lah, malas ku menceritakan masalah aku di sini. lebih baik jangan kata terlalu banyak, kalau tidak google translation, habis aku.
jikalau kamu memahami ini, saya cuma ingin mengatakan yang saya cinta padamu. tetapi sedarlah yang saya tidak akan mengkompromasi diri ku untuk sesiapapun. saya adalah individu dan akan pergi jika kamu dont appreciate saya.

tujuh bulan is just a nombor akhirnya kan?

♥ Sunday, November 08, 2009

i had 12 hours of sleep last night and my only class for the day today is cancelled. plus the sun is out and shining so bright :) im in such a good mood! and i love putting a smile on people's faces!
Happy Friday to everyone who's reading this!! have a wonderful day wherever you are !
lots of love
Daven Raj

today i feel like i can love better, care deeper, smile wider, live happier and enjoy everything around me!

♥ Friday, November 06, 2009

recently i...
celebrated halloween as Drafonda (Luv' Er Teets) Rai & Aladdin




recently i.....
shaved my head bald


recently i...
passed my drivers licence after 3 tries!


recently i...
have been thinking of family alot..


today my relationship turns 7 months.... but im sitting here doing homework. my eyes are red and swollen from an expired contact lenses. :(

♥ Wednesday, November 04, 2009

dear blog,
ive been thinking about my future alot. i realize im getting closer to my dreams of attending law school. i realize im about to graduate. i am not happy.
lately, i feel pressured from expectations. i used to love making others smile.. now i feel a lil lost. im losing the things i truly care and i know it as much as im trying to deny this reality. my work is consuming me quite a bit;my friendships becoming more and more distant for the most part.
on a separate note, i used to not think of the future, maybe because i was always afraid of my own expectations... now i see it and i want it.. maybe im losing sight of the present because of it. i had this quote in one of my posts a few months ago.. i need to live it!
I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. ~Gilda Radner

~ love like youve never been hurt ~

♥ Wednesday, November 04, 2009

I am independent but... i long for my family.
i seek the faces and smiles that i grew up with.
one year and 3 months apart is having its toll on me.
i remember when my parents would not let me stay over at my friends..not even if they lived down the street.
i remember when my parents would call everyday whenever i went on school trips.. and worry relentlessly if i missed their calls.
my family has all the love in the world for me and i miss them so very much.
i want to wake up and be able to walk in my lil brothers room and bug him to wake up..or go cuddle with him.
i want to go down and sit at the breakfast table with mum and dad.
or follow my mum to work and watch as patients come and go.
i want to go sit on the rooftop and watch the city of Klang before me.
oh when will i see you again?
i need to fall back into your shelter, your hopes, your dreams, your beings. and whilst there are things about life i did not like back home, there's still all of you. and you mean more to me than any shortcomings or misgivings. i love you with my all.

i am my family's son.

♥ Monday, October 19, 2009

i had just came back from skydiving.
its just incredible to think back and realize that i jumped out of a plane 10 000 feet in the air.
the adrenaline rush through the body, the anxiousness of waiting for the plane to climb up that high, the fear that came surging through as soon as the doors were flung open, and then the leap of faith. the shock that registers through the brain... the world spinning around. and then a wave of confidence sweeps over you and you feel like you can do just about anything.
the body slowly gets used to the latitude and when the parachutes come up... and you're presented with such a gorgeous view from above. in that moment, i took it all in. everything i could see and hear, and the experience, and the person i was doing it with, and a smile etched across my face as i came in for the landing.

i just tried my very best to describe all the emotions that were running through me.. but it really does no justice to the actual occurence.
live like you were dying!

I WENT SKYDIVING!!!

♥ Sunday, October 11, 2009

Vloggin one more time! wooot

hello all!
skydiving in 2 days! shit! haha.. im sooo excited!!!! my knees are already shaking thinking of jumping out the plane. its going to be GREAT!

count down to halloween is still on. 20 more days till i either get all my hair shaved off or get my 6 pack abs. speaking of halloween i should get my costume figured out soon.

is it weird that i keep wanting to say im in love on my blog!! IM IN LOVEEEE!!! haha.

i need to go practice the piano tonight.. right after this actually. i am going to go do that!! :) wooo hoooo. by the time i get home in december i better be able to play some tunes.. that a challenge to myself.

and here's just me being bizzare!

♥ Thursday, October 08, 2009